I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
