I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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