apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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