I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
