I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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