omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
