Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
you never un-have a 4some
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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