They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
