she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Drunk is not a location!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
