I think my fart just growled at me.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I will be naked everywhere
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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