Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
