You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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