Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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