I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
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