If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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