one might say we're banned from that church
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
