Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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