I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
