Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
