Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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