Apparently you make a good broom.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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