No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
