is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize