i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
