In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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