It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
