I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
