we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
