No stitches, just platelets and will power
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
