bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
