woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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