im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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