i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
