Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
