capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
