Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
