My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
