Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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