My cat gives me a boner
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
