Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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