I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
