Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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