I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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