I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
