I heard we made out
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
