So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
