So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
