It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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