hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
