does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
