the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
