Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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