Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
