Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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