i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
