I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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