wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
