It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i came on her dog
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
