if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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