I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
