between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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