im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
