she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
