I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
