pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
