GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
