No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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