Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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