i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
