the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
