Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
