So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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