One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize