a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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