peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
vagina is talking i cant
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
