Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
