Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
