I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
