I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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