Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
