KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
