I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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