I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Come see our sink grown plant.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I wear drunk well.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
