corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
