we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
