I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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