so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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