so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
it was like eating out sand paper
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
