Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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