Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize