felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
