I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
