My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize