Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize