I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
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