i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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